Dating guidelines for Uptown Divorcees: M By Richard Kirshenbaum • 06/25/13 7:10pm

(Illo: Brian Taylor)

I became within my typical banquette dining table at Cipriani getting up with my dear buddy and other gala charity seat, an impossibly blond and glamorous socialite. She seemed up, over her grilled salmon and leeks. “Do you have got anyone for my pal Leanne? Her divorce proceedings simply became last. ”

We recalled a lithe brunette who seemed good in Lilly, making the rounds of this Hamptons charity cocktail circuit along together with her pint-sized now-ex-husband.

“Is she realistic yet? ” I inquired.

“Good. ” We sipped my Bellini.

My buddy and I also, while an unlikely matchmaking duo, have now been informally starting divorced buddies and “children of” in the Upper East Side for decades, with permanent results. We constantly state we must charge a payment for the dating solution, but that temptingly lucrative concept would be too declasse.

Our challenge that is biggest, over and over, is matching up middle-aged divorcees into the “pre-realist” phase, who possess maybe maybe maybe not recognized they have a range of intercourse, cash or companionship —but definitely not all three in identical package.

“How did she write out when you look at the breakup? ” I inquired my buddy.

“All i understand, ” she revealed, “Is that the spouse made her add her Birkins within the settlement. ” She included: “At the present retail price. ” Bien sur!

“She likely will need the cash, then. ” We paused, Rolodexing in my own head the product range for the newly wed and almost dead. I thought of a few years’ divorced friend who could use a chatelaine for his manor, and she was an ideal prospect as I gave the hand signal for the check.

“Oh yes, I think i’ve an excellent traditional septuagenarian billionaire in Palm Beach on her behalf. Nearly scintillating, but their real-estate profile has a character all its very own. ”

“Perfect, ” she said. “I’ll call her with the nice news. ”

(Illo: Brian Taylor)

A couple of years straight back, we co-wrote a rather well-known relationship guide for ladies called Closing the offer; the premise had been that two married men’s advice may help turn solitary ladies into deal closers. Although we had no formal training as relationship professionals, we simply implicitly comprehended that if ladies understood men better, they’d have actually an improved shot at shutting the offer. Once you understand your market is definitely key, whether actually or expertly, and we also offered suggestions about subjects from hygiene to foreplay.

Where many rich divorcees fail is in presuming they are able to change their husbands with a more recent model almost just like the old one. Sorry to say, this tends to not ever function as situation. Quite often, the divorced male that is well-to-do maybe maybe perhaps maybe not searching for their equal, but instead for a sexretary through the Midwest, preferably without a viewpoint. As one recently divorced hedge funder explained: “Being hitched to a good, opinionated girl is work! Now i simply want breasts on a stick, a blond wig and you to definitely inform me I’m great once I get back home. ”

Women that just take a line that is tough wind up lonelier because of it. At a fund-raiser that is political my spouse Dana and I also had been emailing a well-regarded financier’s ex-wife, amor en linea whom plainly exhibited pre-realistic dating tendencies. She presented her needs such as the Marshall Arrange: “My age or more youthful. We won’t date a geezer. Rich—the richer the greater. Sexy. Okay, let’s just cut into the chase: my ex if he had abs and a character. ”

You shouldn’t have a list? “Don’t you think” Dana asked innocently.

“That’s for other people, ” she snapped.

She’s nevertheless from the prowl.